Monday With Mildred: “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard”

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard movie poster.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

Why, yes! I did go to a theater to see a movie. Been a while, and I picked a good one to resume with. Except, I didn’t really want to see this because I had watched the first film, The Hitman’s Bodyguard a couple of years ago and was unimpressed. It struck me as a movie that was trying too hard to be funny and ended up being only moderately funny. But there was some whining in the house and I can never say no. The biggest drawback was I had forgotten how hard it is to take notes at the movies. Hello darkness my old friend.

Darius (Samuel L. Jackson) is the titular Hitman from both the movies, and Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is the bodyguard. This time around, Bryce finds himself on the road and on the pavement a few times alongside Darius and his wife Sonia (Salma Hayek), who is even more violently crazy than Darius, and nearly as foul mouthed. Bryce continues to wear his seatbelt at all times and is in an existential crisis after completely losing his beloved bodyguard license. He is mistakenly hired by her to save her beloved Darius. This time around we also meet Bryce’s papa (name withheld to protect the plot) and the baddie is played by a silver haired Antonio Banderas. Kudos to the actor who played Magnusson (Tom Hopper), who looks very much like a young Roger Moore. I wondered if he was hired for that reason, considering this is a send up of all the action adventure films, including Bond.

Hitman is for the most part fast paced, with several really well done action sequences, lots and lots and LOTS of hot lead thrown around, violence from everyone toward everyone, and the only person who seems to have any kind of handle on anything is a Boston cop unhappily on loan to Interpol. Unhappy for both parties. The funny comes at you just as quickly as people are punched and stabbed and shot and hit with cars and thrown off a boat and blown up. And by people I mean Bryce and to a lesser extent a lot of other people who meet violent demises. It disturbed me that not all the bodies left in the wake of the action were bad guys. Otherwise, this is three lead actors that will have you howling with laughter. There weren’t many people in the theater, but we were all well beyond chortling to full out belly laughs a few times. There are a LOT of stunts in the movie and I was really impressed with the stunt work.

The other weakness in the film, after too much violence to innocent people, was the CGI, which in my barely discernable notes are “REALLY terrible”. It was so bad at one point I wondered if it had been done that way on purpose. One of the plot points was too hard to believe, but since it’s a comedy I just went with it and tried not to think about how old some of the actors are. Except Morgan Freeman, who has a great fight scene in which he gives his age as 90 years old, and is then referred to as “spry”.

The story meanders a little, but typically in aid of the humor, so I didn’t mind too much. This is a really funny movie. I think I even slapped my knee once or twice. You really do have to weigh that against a lot of violence and some incredibly incendiary cursing (once in Spanish, which I understood, and once again I was the only person laughing loudly and alone in a theater). Incendiary and relentless. Go and see this movie if you want a good laugh, and if you can handle the bad stuff.


The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard – Official Site

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard – IMDB

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021) – Behind the Scenes

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