Horrorible Review: “Miracle Mile”

 Enjoy this Monday with Mildred!

Miracle Mile

I caught this on channel four over the weekend and though the 80s look is hard to take, it’s a very captivating film.  If you are in the mood for the fantastical colors of 1980s cinema, combined with the decade-soaked music of Tangerine Dream, you should see this “thriller”.

That word is in quotes because it’s difficult to pin down exactly what this film is.  It could be considered an apocalyptic nightmare, or a neon lit fantasy, or the worst romantic thriller ever filmed.  Mostly, it’s all three of those.

Also, if you’re like me and enjoy seeing older films for the nostalgia of ancient “high tech” gadgets, this will keep you smiling.  In “Panic in the Year Zero” the phone booth on the side of a quiet mountain road made me laugh out loud.  In “Miracle Mile” your jaw will drop at both the ludicrously large (and suspiciously always-in-range) cell phone used by “the ball breaking female exec” played by one of many actors you will recognize from other roles.  Denise Crosby plays the epitome of the feminist backlash character, with a tone deafness as large as the universe.  *eg*

Anthony Edwards (later of ER) is the hero of Miracle Mile, and tries hard to make us believe he not only falls madly in love with Mare Winningham in about three seconds, but is willing to risk his life to save her.  Ummmm…no, he did not convince me.

The most hilarious character in the entire movie is played by well-known bad guy Brian Thompson, clad in skin tight, shiny baby blue “work out” clothes, pumping iron and flexing his enormous muscles.  That’s not the funny part.  You’ll have to watch it to see.

Seriously, though, the thriller aspect works surprisingly well, and the fear of a looming apocalypse is easily understood by people of a certain age, like me.



Seriously, DON’T read this before seeing the film

I admired that they killed off the Stupidest Guy on the Planet.  Granted, there would be no movie if he just hired a taxi and went right to her apartment, but the unending series of mishaps really got on my nerves.

Plus, didn’t the film have him running impotently around for hours but the bomb was supposed to be there in, like, one hour?

The very end of the film was terribly problematic.  Sure, having them die, both trapped and killed by the technology that makes man strong, IN THE LABREA TAR PITS was a funny gag and an easy-to-see symbolism,  but I was still geeking over how very terribly done the bomb detonation scene was.  Next time one lands close to me I’ll be sure to hide behind a building so it doesn’t burn me to a crisp.  And that helicopter pilot is going to fly into the teeth of a nuke?  Suuuuuuure.




Miracle Mile movie poster

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