INTRODUCTION: I wrote this review about the BBC TV show Primeval a long time ago. I put it on another blog. I found it today and, just like it did when I wrote it, I LOL’d when I read it. So here is what I think of as my first Chick Flicking Review. It won’t follow the usual format, but I hope you enjoy it. I also would like to think that I have matured since then but alas, the below review was written late one night and is a bit of a rant. I do think my writing has improved. Also the show has changed a lot of the cast and maybe crew and maybe it is better and no I am not going to watch it to find out. -M. Lion
Stupidest SF Show Evar (maybe)
Hi. Ok, I really do love BBC America. This is the station that brought me Torchwood. (Yay Torchwood!) So when they advertised Primeval, Hubby and I were enthusiastic ’cause like oooo what’s not to like? Holes in the space/time continuum allow dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals to come through. Ooooo schweet! And like a paleontologist is the hero and like yippee ’cause I wanted to be a paleontologist when I was in kindergarten and 1st grade. So I happily watched Primeval.
It is the stupidest drivel I have seen. *
Let me explain why below. Warning: The writing below is a perfect example of someone who should not write rational reviews when ranting and is sounding a bit too mean. (And yes, my own writing is making me giggle).
1. The Science. The science in this show is soooooo stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid that even Star Trek looks like it should win a science award!!** The characters get all overly emotional about saving these animals, i.e., dinosaurs, so they can send them back to their own time. This is idiotic on several levels:
a. These animals are already, by our modern standards and show timeline, extinct.
b. Yes, yes, I’ve heard about the Butterfly Effect and I can go along with it. HOWEVER the time/space continuum has already been disrupted by the animals coming here so stop worrying about sending them back BECAUSE
c. The animals themselves are seriously screwing with life as we know it because they are bringing diseases and parasites from their time that we could have no immunity for, thus leading to our deaths, and vica versa! So sending them back, though I applaud your humanitarian efforts, could be what causes the dinosaurs to die anyway!! (Which would be a more intelligent story, so I guess I should write it.)
d. Dear Writers: NOT all scientists are alike!! In short, they have fields of specialty. For example, paleontologists study dinosaurs. They do not study how to make circuit boards and build computers that can track space/time holes. JESUS H CHRIST THAT’S WHAT COMPUTER SCIENTISTS AND QUANTUM PHYSICISTS ARE FOR!!!!!!!!! I can understand why you have paleontologists, but if you want to build computers that mess with the space/time continuum, hire quantum physicists and computer scientists!!!! *headdesk*
e. In a word: DISEASES!!! Could you please address how you are going to deal with all of the new cross era diseases there are? That’s the real threat right there!!!!!!! Oh and the parasites.
2. The Characters. Good grief. I think the reason I get so angry at this show is that I could possibly forgive the bad science IF THE CHARACTERS WEREN’T SO STUPID!!!
a. Pretty Boy. Why is this character here? All he does is look good in a sensitive macho way as he runs around trying to save animals and humans alike? Oh right. (And he one time ate dinosaur pooh to see if the animal was healthy. Don’t get me started. Just don’t.)
b. Pixie Blonde. Why is she here and why is she running around in her underwear in her overheated apartment which is overheated so her reptiles don’t freeze? Hello!! Has no one on this show heard of hot rocks or sun lamps!?!?!? Could you please let your female characters do something other than strip for the camera? The answer to that is YES, BTW.
c. The Leader. Could someone please kick this self-righteous blowhard in the face? I, who also happen to be an environmentalist and an animal rights activist, want to smack him every time he forgets about disease and parasites and life in the her and now!! AND THE NEXT TIME HE SAYS “EVOLUTION HAS GONE WRONG” OR “EVOLUTION IS OUT OF CONTROL” I’M GOING TO HURT MY TELEVISION!! WHAT THE FRAK DOES THAT MEAN? IDIOT!!!!!!!!
*Ok, maybe not, but it sure feels like it.
**I’m a Trekkie, so chill. I loves me my Trek!
***Which is very nice because the shows’ cast and crew need to eat too.