TV Review: “Primeval” aka Stupidest SF Show Evar (maybe)

INTRODUCTION: I wrote this review about the BBC  TV show Primeval a long time ago. I put it on another blog. I found it today and, just like it did when I wrote it, I LOL’d when I read it. So here is what I think of as my first Chick Flicking Review. It won’t follow the usual format, but I hope you enjoy it. I also would like to think that I have matured since then but alas, the below review was written late one night and is a bit of a rant. I do think my writing has improved. Also the show has changed a lot of the cast and maybe crew and maybe it is better and no I am not going to watch it to find out. -M. Lion

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Stupidest SF Show Evar (maybe)

Hi. Ok, I really do love BBC America. This is the station that brought me Torchwood. (Yay Torchwood!) So when they advertised Primeval, Hubby and I were enthusiastic ’cause like oooo what’s not to like? Holes in the space/time continuum allow dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals to come through. Ooooo schweet! And like a paleontologist is the hero and like yippee ’cause I wanted to be a paleontologist when I was in kindergarten and 1st grade. So I happily watched Primeval.

It is the stupidest drivel I have seen. *

Let me explain why below. Warning: The writing below is a perfect example of someone who should not write rational reviews when ranting and is sounding a bit too mean. (And yes, my own writing is making me giggle).

1. The Science. The science in this show is soooooo stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid that even Star Trek looks like it should win a science award!!** The characters get all overly emotional about saving these animals, i.e., dinosaurs, so they can send them back to their own time. This is idiotic on several levels:

a. These animals are already, by our modern standards and show timeline, extinct.

b. Yes, yes, I’ve heard about the Butterfly Effect and I can go along with it. HOWEVER the time/space continuum has already been disrupted by the animals coming here so stop worrying about sending them back BECAUSE

c. The animals themselves are seriously screwing with life as we know it because they are bringing diseases and parasites from their time that we could have no immunity for, thus leading to our deaths, and vica versa! So sending them back, though I applaud your humanitarian efforts, could be what causes the dinosaurs to die anyway!! (Which would be a more intelligent story, so I guess I should write it.)

d. Dear Writers: NOT all scientists are alike!! In short, they have fields of specialty. For example, paleontologists study dinosaurs. They do not study how to make circuit boards and build computers that can track space/time holes. JESUS H CHRIST THAT’S WHAT COMPUTER SCIENTISTS AND QUANTUM PHYSICISTS ARE FOR!!!!!!!!! I can understand why you have paleontologists, but if you want to build computers that mess with the space/time continuum, hire quantum physicists and computer scientists!!!! *headdesk*

e. In a word: DISEASES!!! Could you please address how you are going to deal with all of the new cross era diseases there are? That’s the real threat right there!!!!!!! Oh and the parasites.

2. The Characters.  Good grief. I think the reason I get so angry at this show is that I could possibly forgive the bad science IF THE CHARACTERS WEREN’T SO STUPID!!!

a. Pretty Boy. Why is this character here? All he does is look good in a sensitive macho way as he runs around trying to save animals and humans alike? Oh right. (And he one time ate dinosaur pooh to see if the animal was healthy. Don’t get me started. Just don’t.)

b. Pixie Blonde. Why is she here and why is she running around in her underwear in her overheated apartment which is overheated so her reptiles don’t freeze? Hello!! Has no one on this show heard of hot rocks or sun lamps!?!?!? Could you please let your female characters do something other than strip for the camera? The answer to that is YES, BTW.

c. The Leader. Could someone please kick this self-righteous blowhard in the face? I, who also happen to be an environmentalist and an animal rights activist, want to smack him every time he forgets about disease and parasites and life in the her and now!!  AND THE NEXT TIME HE SAYS “EVOLUTION HAS GONE WRONG” OR “EVOLUTION IS OUT OF CONTROL” I’M GOING TO HURT MY TELEVISION!! WHAT THE FRAK DOES THAT MEAN? IDIOT!!!!!!!!

3. Anti-Hunting Bias. I really hate TV shows, movies, etc., that make hunters look evil. The mindset that humans who hunt are bad people makes me very very angry. I’m a hunter. Some of the biggest environmentalists I know are hunters. Don’t believe me? Check-out Ducks Unlimited and then zip it. And finally MOTHER NATURE HUNTS! So stop acting like it is immoral to hunt. Or hunt with a gun! I’m a human being you nits! God/Evolution/Mother Nature did not give me powerful jaws with large teeth so I could bite the leg of my prey. God/Evolution/Mother Nature gave me a big brain and opoosable thumbs and I’m proud to use them thank you very much.
AND FYI: Nothing makes you love the Agricultural Revolution like hunting. Trust me. After you spend three hours freezing in the early morning needing to use the bathroom and unable to move so you don’t scare off prey and are driving home with frozen hands and no meat in your trunk, you do get on your knees and the kiss the floor of McDonald’s when you see the golden arches in the horizon. Trust me, I’ve done it.
Thank you for allowing me to share this rant with you. After reading it, I realize that I have put far too much energy and thought into this, causing me to laugh at myself as well as my well made points. Plus I wasn’t being very nice and for that I apologize. For tolerating such posting, it proves that you all are very good and tolerant people. Also if you disagree with me and actually like this show***, go post on your own blog. It is also making me think that watching it in the future – friends like it – will help me laugh at it rather than want to listen to Vogon poetry. In fact, I think I might even be looking forward to the next episode so I can MST3000 it in my head the whole time.
Now to clear my mental pallet and watch some Firefly!
Oh and as far as Primeval goes, I’m rooting for the dinosaurs. Every time.

*Ok, maybe not, but it sure feels like it.
**I’m a Trekkie, so chill. I loves me my Trek!
***Which is very nice because the shows’ cast and crew need to eat too.

Primeval TV show title graphic

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2 responses to “TV Review: “Primeval” aka Stupidest SF Show Evar (maybe)

  1. I’m going to review understanding that you wrote this a long time ago and by all means may have a different opinion now. I am also writing as a Primeval fan and hope you won’t mind hearing me out just because of that.

    1) Yeah, the science is iffy, no doubt there. It’s also a TV show and was meant to be something children could watch and understand, so you have to keep that in mind when they say something simplified or aren’t worrying about all the 50 billion different things that could happen and focus on one problem only. Also, yeah they are a little dramatic over the dinosaurs and Abby tends to get emotional over them (especially Rex due to her attachment) and it’s a little overdone in S1, but I mean…they like and care about animals? And as a scientist it would make sense to want to be careful and to be even a bit emotional over the presence of a creature that, by our standards, is extinct but is standing right in front of us. I’d be awestruck in the face of a dinosaur too. How could you not be? They defied science and that’s pretty damn amazing and worth getting emotional over.

    2) Every show’s characters are gonna have a stereotype, but the Primeval characters actually grow out of theirs. I’m not sure you watched enough to see that growth though. Stephen? Though a pretty boy, also excelled at hunting and understanding animals. THAT’S his point. Abby is 10x more than a pixie blonde, she’s the leading lady and is a complete and total badass, especially as she grows. You should see S4-5 Abby. Why was her house so hot? Because logically, there’s no way a heating lamp and hot rocks could sustain the heat Rex needed, she pretty much says it herself that it’s for Rex. Cutter IS exactly that tbh…but his point makes sense. If dinosaurs are coming into our time then evolution is pretty damn messed up. His words are perfectly reasonable and make perfect sense??? Also, Connor is literally a science genius, he was going into paleontology but he is NOT a paleontologist, he has the capability to build anything he damn well pleases. Science is his talent, dinosaurs are his hobby. Pretty simple concept.

    3) They weren’t really against hunting in general. They, Nick especially, were more against hunting THESE creatures because of the fact they were…idk…DISPLACED DINOSAURS. They throw a little shade at hunters in general but, I mean, not everybody ever is going to agree with hunting and that’s just how the world works? Especially people who love animals, i.e. Abby, who couldn’t imagine killing them for any purpose. Then there’s Stephan and Becker, who are all for hunting and killing them. They get chewed out for their views but by no means is the show saying they’re right and the other two are wrong. In fact, Connor often struggles between the two views.

    Side note: S1 is Primeval’s iffiest season, S2 and S3 get way better in all the ways S3 was iffy. S4 and 5 are even better than that. So, if you only saw S1 that may have been your initial problem with seeing how these things end up changing from S1.

    • Ah! Wow, I like what you wrote. It seems Primeval did some changing! Cool. I wondered as I posted the review if this had happened. I am truly glad that people like the show as I do love the concept. I thank you for your comments and updates. I may have to give it another try. 🙂

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