Salem’s Lot (2024)

Climbing into the Way Waaay Back Machine I recall bringing a copy of Salem’s Lot to college my freshman year and being massively freaked out with the scene where a boy vampire floats up to a window on the second floor of his friend’s house. I was on the sixth floor of my dorm and that scene made me feel very exposed to evil. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, I’ll join you. That way Stephen King had of creeping out or scaring a reader with something as mundane as a bedroom window was his biggest strength as a young writer. This was his second big book, after Carrie, and before The Shining and The Stand. Those early novels have been adapted multiple times with varying results, but the current adaptation is different.

Normally, adaptations of his books are changed only a little, and the film versions are weaker. There have been more than a couple of film versions of Salem’s Lot, most people remembering the first miniseries from 1979 (dir: Tobe Hooper, Texas Chainsaw Massacre), an earnest attempt to totally adapt the book. I only saw that one once, when it was new, and mostly what I remember is how many of the book scenes came to life. The Rob Lowe version in 2004 had some good star power but was apparently laughably bad. You have to pay to see it streaming, and I’m still debating.

The current version of Salem’s Lot began as an adaptation for the big screen but after a couple of years on the shelf was released on the streaming service Max. It had better viewer numbers than anyone expected, though it garnered a lot of harsh reviews just before its release. So, when I tuned in to see it I expected a horrible movie from the jump, but you just can’t trust reviewers. 

The book is set in 1975 and tells the story of an earnest young writer who returns to his childhood town for reasons, runs into a cute young woman with a rockin’ bod and ambitions, an earnest and brave twelve year old boy, and an ancient vampire lurking in the crumbling mansion on the hill. Chaos ensues. For this newest version, also set in 1975, it’s the exact same story with more diversity and the BEST antique car collection EVER. I seriously was geeking out over all the massively cool cars and trucks, sometimes not bothering to pay attention to the plot.

Speaking of which, I was enjoying the story a lot. There are cool cars, there’s more than one woman good guy, the cinematography is first rate and I made a note a couple of times about cool lighting effects. Scenes that I hadn’t thought of in decades came up and I really got into it. The Glick brothers in the woods is well done, Straker the vampire helper is not acted very well but his part is again one of the most interesting. Someone should do a prequel. I really enjoyed the opening song, Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot, enhanced by having the subtitles on. Those lyrics!  Great choice. The creepy boarding house lady and townsfolk with names like Ray and Floyd and Ralph, all Stephen King staples. I was really getting into it and then I was getting confused because the movie falls apart. I mean, how bad is it when the more vampires accrue the less scary things become?

I expect massive changes from book to film, but there were scenes I remembered from fifty years ago that were cut too short or missing altogether. And then the end sequence. It was so bad I laughed. I can’t say a lot, of course, because spoilers. I understand it was done basically for brevity’s sake, though the first two miniseries were both under two hours, and it gives the director a chance to pack even more action into the Big Fight Scene. The problem is that the Big Fight Scene is ludicrous. This is a light spoiler: they sped up the rotation of the Earth, ya know, like in that Superman movie? The end of day shadows are suddenly progressing at about a yard a second, all for the sake of drama. That was the thing that made me laugh the most, bitterly, but the whole end sequence is just lame.

Overall, this is yet another attempt to film a popular Stephen King book that failed. It’s pretty, its diversity is updated, the cars are AWESOME, the music is good, it felt nostalgic in places because the movie pretty much followed the book for a while, and the boy playing the brave and smart twelve year old (Jordan Preston Carter, Ms. Marvel, Shaft) is an actor to watch for. But there was too much switching around the basic story, leaving scenes too short or completely missing, and the end sequence is just stoopit. I wanted to like this, because Salem’s Lot actually is one of Stephen King’s better books and technology has caught up enough to enhance the scary parts instead of looking laughable. This version went for the bitter laughs in other ways. I was so disappointed when the credits began to roll. Maybe in a hundred years or so someone will make a good and solid version. I won’t hold my breath.

Available on: Max

LINKS:

• Salem’s Lot (2004) – MAX Official Site
• Salem’s Lot (2004) – IMDB
• Salem’s Lot (2004) – Stephen King’s Website

CFR: In Addition

Ok, I read Salem’s Lot when it first came out. I remember the black cover paper back and I remember holding it in my hands and thinking “Good grief, this is stupid.” I mean the vampires were so easy to kill!! Plus, a problem that I have with vampire stories is when vampires reproduce by biting and drinking someones blood and that’s it. Uh, no. That means that they would reproduce so quickly the population would be destroyed and they would starve to death. Stupid writing. Lazy writing. I can’t take it seriously.

Let me clarify easy to kill. Just go in the middle of the day, open all of the doors, pull the blood-suckers into the light after pouring holy water on them and you are done. Good grief.

Of course I might change my mind if I read it today.

Now for the show review. I’m very disappointed to read that Cranky was so disappointed by the second half of this movie. I’ll admit the trailer looked scary to me and I was looking forward to watching it. Like Cranky I also LOVE the cast and hey, I do remember those cars. I was thinking about watching this – wondering if I would laugh or enjoy it. However, I think I will skip it. My guess is that if it annoyed Cranky, it will really annoy me.

Thank you for sparing me the agony, Cranky! I owe you more Chinese delivery lunch.